School Starts and Summer is Over

I did exercise every day this week. The first day, I only did the stationary bike for 1/2 an hour to test my knee. Everything went ok, so I did light routines every day. My knee is still sore (I'm not sure whether it's strained or bruised so I'm being careful), but my back is fine. I dropped off a thank you note for Marcella on the day that we would have met if I hadn't have fallen. I really am thankful to her. I didn't believe that I could do a lot of what I am doing ever again. She really went out of her way to get me to believe in myself. I don't think I would have ever jogged on the tread mill or for more than a quarter mile if she hadn't shown me all that I was capable of I wouldn't have known I could. (Come to think of it, I wouldn't have fallen last week if I wasn't jogging. Hmmm..... :)) I know it's her job to be a trainer, but I've seen the other trainers at the gym. I don't think any of them could have done the same thing for me. I'm going to miss her when our contract is over, but I really can't afford a personal trainer. I'm not a Hollywood actor or model. I don't get paid to look good. It's not part of my job description.

Friday was open house for the high school I work at. A lot of them haven't seen me since the end of May, a little less than 20 lbs ago. It was weird. People said stuff like, "Did you dye your hair?" No. "Did you get new glasses?" No. It took half a day before someone asked if I had lost weight. Most people just noticed that my face had changed. It's kind of funny. I think that maybe I was the only one who thought I was disgusting. I still am not comfortable in a bathing suit. When I went tubing, I started out with a dark t-shirt on until my daughter needed it for a nose bleed (a story she is not permitting me to share) because I didn't want to be in front of other people in a bathing suit even if it did fit again. I didn't know what to say to people who haven't been a part of this all along. They have no idea how silly I've been, trying to become "average." Think about how hard all the Olympians must have to work in order to be the best in their country or even the world. I have been running my toenails off and sweating gallons on a daily basis just shooting for "average." Wow, once again I feel like an idiot. I now know that I am doing this for myself because people noticing I lost weight just made me feel awkward and funny looking. It's kind of like wearing a new outfit in some ways though only its you.

Remember the teacher that met me at the end of the trail that was training for a half marathon and marathon? She asked how the running was going. I told her that I had gotten up to 5 miles and about the fall. She actually wanted me to sign up for the half marathon with her. (She obviously hasn't been reading these blogs.) I told her that I could only jog 5 miles. She said, "That's ok. Those are always the hardest miles." No, the first 1/2 mile is the hardest in my world. Don't worry. I'm an idiot, but I'm not crazy. There are no half marathons in my near future. I'm not sure how people who have the responsibility of educating our future can be so ridiculously stupid sometimes. (Her for thinking I could run a half marathon in two weeks and me for having the lofty goal of running 5 miles at least once every weekend and hitting the gym almost every other morning.) Her enthusiasm is contagious though so I need to stay clear of her or I might be running my toes off and not just my toe nails.

Now that school has started again, all of this nonsense is going to be a little harder to do. I had to wake up at 5:30 to hit the gym today, but once my daughter starts middle school, I will have to wake up at 4:30. I don't know if I can keep up that kind of routine, but I'm going to try. I don't want to have to spend next summer trying to undo this school year. Oh by the way, this morning I figured out why it looks like I wet my pants now when I sweat a lot. I used to just look like I fell in the river. My pants only touch my pelvis now and not my legs too. So one of the perks to losing a little fat in your legs is looking like you wet your pants if you wear a baggy t-shirt and sweat like a pig. (If my shirt fit though you can see that my whole butt was wet. I'm not sure which is less humiliating. For now, I'm going with the baggy t-shirt. You can go back and read Wet T-shirt if you need to remember why.)

I don't know whether it's the fall or the fact that 4:30 is hard to get up by, but I am beginning to see that I need to concentrate on other things like cleaning my house, taking some master's courses, and spending time with my family and friends. Being forty something has a lot of funny quirks in it and all I'm writing about is sweat and jumping jacks. I want to be a little more well rounded (metaphorically speaking....I've worked too hard this summer and don't want to be round any more). I am sure that I can find other areas of my life to humiliate myself and tell you about. It's a gift. Don't worry, I'll keep you updated on the race to be "average" so that we can celebrate if I ever get there.