August 13, 2008 (Crash and Burn)

For me, jogging is a battle of the mind more than a battle of the body most of the time. I have been jogging 1-5 miles every day or two for a few weeks. I have to trick myself into even starting. I say stuff to myself like, "We'll just start with a mile and then if you still don't feel like doing it, we'll quit." Then when I make it a mile I usually feel like another. In order to go further than that, I have to take it a half mile at a time. 3 miles is about what I can do every other day. After that, I convince myself that any half mile after that is a win. I've only made it 5 miles once and 4 three times in the last week and a half. Yesterday was a little unusual. I usually jog between 5 and 7 in the morning. If I am running the trail, usually I get started at about 6:30 in the morning during the summer because the trail isn't open until 6 and the guy that opens is sometimes late. I do this because it's the coolest time of the day, not because I'm a morning person. However, yesterday I woke up too late to get in a run before I was supposed to be at work. It was a cooler day than usual, so I decided to jog the trail after work. This was a mistake. It was only ten or fifteen degrees warmer than it is in the morning, but that is a lot when you're over forty and normally sweat profusely even when you jog at the cooler temperature. Also, apparently, it is easier to move first thing in the morning than after you've been sitting at a desk for 8 hrs. I gave myself the usual pep talk, "We'll just start with a mile." I realized that I was lying to myself. I guess either I am more alert later in the day and am not easily lied to or I have finally caught on to the fact that I say the same thing every time and unless I'm on a tread mill I am getting ready to torture myself for at least 3 miles. I was really shooting for 5 because I had the time to do it. Any ways, I started arguing with myself. I told myself stuff like, "This is the dumbest goal ever. What adult has a goal of jogging 5 miles? You should be concentrating on more productive things. This is a lot of energy to expend on craziness." To which I responded, "I know it's stupid, but this is something that you can do. How many people do you know that are bull headed enough to do this? It's a dumb accomplishment, but it's an accomplishment." At the one mile marker I realized that I didn't have the energy that I usually have at that point. The heat and sitting all day was taking its toll. I lost faith in my ability to finish 5 miles. I started giving me the, "just one more half mile" pep talk. There are a lot more people on the trail in the evening than the morning though so every time I thought about quitting I would tell myself that I didn't want those people to see me quit. That is how I got within sight of the 4 mile marker. I was drenched with sweat and was pretty sure I couldn't keep this up for another mile. I was coming upon a family with a stroller, an infant, and a toddler and was trying to figure out how to get around them without breaking my pace. That's the exact moment that I hit a root and crashed and burned. It wasn't as bad as that ski jumper in the agony of defeat part of the Wide World of Sports, but I fell hard. The family turned around to help me, but I jumped up and lied, "I'm fine" and started running instead of jogging until I knew I was far enough ahead of them that they wouldn't see me. I started limp jogging. My bad knee was killing me. I got to the 4.5 mile marker where there was a bench. I decided to survey the damage. I looked at my legs. Do you know what you get when you mix the dirt of a trail with buckets of sweat? .........mud. I was caked with mud. My knee was red and hot and I was thankful that I am still doing my exercise outside of the gym with the brace on. Miraculously, I wasn't bleeding anywhere. I was thankful that this happened in the dirt and not the gravel or the wooden bridges that also make up the trail, of course there aren't roots on those parts. I was dripping sweat on to the ground around the bench. I felt like crying because I was so exhausted and still had a half mile to get out of the woods and to my car. I txt'd my friend Michele about what happened just in case I didn't make it so she could call the rescue squad. I would make a lousy soldier. I got up and tried to jog but sitting for two minutes had locked up my muscles and I could barely move. I walked mostly for the last half mile and txt'd Michele that I made it. When I got home I asked my twelve year old if she could guess what had happened while holding my empty water bottle. She said, "You fell and spilled your water all over yourself." I said she was half right, "I fell, but I was wet from sweating and had actually drank my water." I went to my room and prepared for a hot shower. I took off my clothes and realized that the way I sweat makes it look like I wet my pants and wondered how often people probably thought that. I took a shower and put sports lotion on my legs. My back was now killing me. I asked that same 12 year old if she would put it on my back, but she said, "Ewwww, no way, mom." I wanted to tell her it was kind of gross changing her diaper when she was a baby but I did it any way but then decided that if my naked back was that gross I shouldn't subject a twelve year old to it. My husband put the cream on 3 hours later. This was too late to keep my back from being stiff today. My legs are only slightly sore so I guess I didn't blow my knee again. That part of me that was saying, "Running 5 miles is a dumb goal" is speaking a little louder today. I called Marcella and canceled our weekly session this week. Hopefully, I won't let this little incident get me out of the routine all together. I didn't work out this morning but am hoping to get on the exercise bike after work. It's safe. I don't think I'll fall off. We'll see.
The Blogs are now up to real time and will be current from now on. I hope you guys get as much a kick out of this silliness as my friends at work and I have. :-)