I was asked when I was going to make a new installment to my "get in shape or die trying" saga. I have been fighting the good fight. I found out that I weighed more than I thought I did or I haven't lost any weight so when I logged in my weight as the same thing that I logged in a month ago when I started this, I got a lecture about exercising harder and eating lighter. I don't think I could exercise harder or eat much lighter and still function. So I got irritated with her. I also keep getting caught exercising by various members of my household including my 18 year old son. I thought that I had finally gotten in good enough shape to not humiliate myself if I joined a gym.
Boy, was I mistaken. The humiliation started with buying an exercise outfit. I have sweats but they all are missing draw strings and some of them have paint on them. I had to get a large in pants. I decided to get a pack of Joe Boxer gray t-shirts, because I can wear a medium men's t-shirt. I like the gray because you can see the fact that you're sweating and really working hard. I didn't take into account that I start sweating before most people would consider it "working hard."
When I joined the gym they schedule three appointments with a personal trainer. I like the trainer, she's only a year younger than me, but looks ten years younger because she's in very good shape and is from
My cardiovascular assessment was on the low end of fair which is the third to lowest category. We found this out by having me get on a tread mill which I have never done before in my whole entire life. She had the speed at 3.4 mph and the machine would cut off if my heart rate got too high. When I got on the thing my heart rate was 90. By the time she finished pushing all the buttons it was 100. As soon as the ground started moving it was 110. I had trouble keeping at the front of the tread mill, so it took about a minute and a half before my heart rate hit 160 and turn the machine off. I don't think that was from exertion, I think my problem was that I was scared out of my mind. I never thought that tread mills were scary until I got on one. There is something wrong with the ground moving and walking to stay in one place. My gray t-shirt was already showing sweat after 2 minutes, how pathetic is that. My strength assessment was average (this is the only thing that I didn't get a D or an F in). My flexibility has never been good. I was considered poor for this and there isn't a category lower than poor for that, so I guess that's an F. For my body composition I scored high for fat to lean ratio, there is only one category higher for that and it recommended me losing 25 lbs. (Which is better than the 30 that I thought it would say.) All this was used to determine that my body age is 50, but the good news is that my attainable body age is 36 (the exact age of the girl who thinks I'm ancient).
The trainer started to lecture me about the consequences of not taking care of myself. I assured her that I wouldn't be there if I didn't know that already, so she decided instead to get me to do some sit ups. This would have been fine if she didn't have me doing them on a giant ball. I really thought I was going to fall off but I did them, shaking and rolling the whole time. I then did some leg raises. I think she was surprised that I could do these things with a 50 year old body so she gave me a medicine ball and had me do more sit ups on that stupid giant ball. For some reason it was easier and I had more balance with the medicine ball. Then she had me stretch. She had me trying to put my foot straight up in the air while lying on my back. I was shaking a struggling and I finally said, "That's as good as it's going to get, remember I failed in flexibility." I had been cracking nervous jokes for the whole hour, but she finally laughed to which I responded, "I don't think you're allowed to laugh at me." (tongue in cheek). She said, "But you made me..." I had to tell her I was kidding and intentionally made her laugh to make us both feel better. Any ways, I see her for part two tomorrow, she says she's going to work me hard and be prepared. I'm just wondering how many times I can get her to laugh when she's trying so hard not to.
I tried to fire the online Twit, but apparently, even though it says you can quit at anytime you pay 13 weeks in advance so I have both a gym and her until the middle of July. I do recommend doing some exercising BEFORE joining a gym. I can't imagine what my body age would have been when I started this whole thing a month ago. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do the sit ups and leg lifts. Even though I think that part of my heart rate being so high was due to being scared out of my mind, that would have been worse too. They probably would have given me my money back and told me to please go die of a heart attack in some other facility if it hadn't have been for my favorite little twit.
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