To those of you who have not read most of this saga, this is going to sound petty and sort of braggart. If you have read these from the beginning or know me, you know that I have been crazily dieting and exercising in an effort to be average and haven't quite gotten there. However, I started the summer obese and ended it being merely a little overweight after losing around 20 lbs. (It's not much considering how crazy I have been about this.) I have gotten a few comments from well meaning friends since both the college and the high school are underway because of my weight loss. Apparently, the world needs to be enlightened about what is appropriate and what is inappropriate to say to someone who is starting to get into shape. I don't blame people really. I never knew what to say to people who make lifestyle changes that cause them to change in appearance. When people lose weight, I don't want to say, "Man, you look good!" because it implies that I didn't think they looked good before. When people gain weight, I don't say, "What in the world happened to you???" either. It's really hard to know what to say, so if someone loses weight I usually comment on something they are wearing like, "That skirt is very flattering." If they gain weight in a bad way, I don't say anything at all about their appearance and find other ways to complement them. Appearance isn't a person's asset most worthy of complements any ways. It's just usually the easiest complement to give. I never know how to respond to good complements much less bad ones. I usually can squeak out, "Thanks" and move on. Here's a list of a few things I've heard lately:
1. "You're my inspiration." This is kind of cool, but it's a lot to live up to. I would put this in the gray area. I guess I can still squeak, "Thanks."
2. "You're looking healthy. What are you doing differently?" This is probably the safest and appropriate and easy to reply to.
3. Today Chele said, "Since you've lost weight, you look shorter." I honestly don't know how to label this complement. In fact, she had to tell me it was a complement because I didn't know it was. :) I can only tell you its effect. I felt, well, um....confused. How can I look shorter? She thought that I now look 2 inches shorter than I am. I'll have to think on that. Hmmmmm......
4. "You go girl." This can go either way. When a girl friend says it, it's encouraging....but when a guy friend says it, it's kind of creepy. "Thanks," can easily be squeaked though.
5. "You've lost a lot of weight. Are you ok?" When I said that I was fine and had just started jogging, this same concerned person said, "I hate you." It's hard to know how to react to that. I mainly smiled. You'd have to know the person to understand.:) I guess this is inappropriate for the average person though. I've had a couple of people say they hate me lately. What a weird thing to say to someone!
6. "I really want to run the killer trail with you. I'm working on getting my 3 miles down to 30 minutes." This is kind of flattering because this person assumes that because I am jogging and no longer obese that I am in her league. I'm happy if my three miles is close to 40 minutes.
7. Marathon runner, "You really have to run with me." This is flattering for the same reason #6 was but....I responded, "You don't understand how slow I run. I am happy with 13 minute miles and I really can't run more than 5 miles. 3 miles is all I consistently can do." To which she responded, "I run the Killer Trail 3 times to train. I'll call you and you can join me on the last trip. I slow down a lot by then." (Remember, this trail is 5 miles long.) To which idiot me said, "Ok, give me a call." Save me. Why can't I just say no like Nancy Reagan told us to? I told you I was going to have to avoid her. :(
For 6 & 7 an appropriate similar conversation might go like this: "You say you've started jogging...about how far do you jog? About what pace do you run?" When you realize you are dealing with a novice don't ask to run with them. Just end the conversation politely or change the conversation...it would be humiliating to the novice and an incredibly frustrating waste of time to jog less than the square root of a marathon with someone if you're training for a marathon. (I'm sorry the math guy in me came out for a second.) If you have a goal of running 10 minute miles, don't get stuck jogging with someone who can only manage 13 minute miles on good days. They'd only slow you down and impede your progress.
8. "You make me sick." I hear this a lot lately and not just because I give a lot of homework in math class. Again, not appropriate, but depending on who says it and why...it can sometimes make me laugh...a little....I guess. Nobody wants to make other people sick. :( How do you respond to that? "Uh....thanks....I guess."
9. "My, your getting skinny. Are you getting ready to leave your husband? Most women who drop a lot of weight suddenly are either getting ready to leave their husbands or their husbands just recently left them." Wow...inappropriate just doesn't cover it, especially coming from a guy. I pity the gal that catches him. This is actually the worst, but my husband should know better so his bring up the rear. My response was, "No. I am married to my one and only husband and if it ever ends, I won't be training a new one." I couldn't say, "Thanks" and move on. Wow. :(
10. My husband has taken to whistling at me and grunting at me and saying, "mm mm mm m m." I know he means it as a complement, but seriously...he's a preacher. He's not even using words for crying out loud! Isn't this the way guys respond to strippers in bars. (I wouldn't know other than the stuff I see on TV.) Yeesh. My response is usually rolling my eyes and walking away.
Don't get me wrong...I'm too chicken to say anything to people at all about their appearance. Attempts at complements are almost always appreciated even if they are inappropriate. The only one that made me want to crawl out of my skin was number 9 and if I was not married to my husband for almost 25 years I probably wouldn't be irritated by this weird version of communication. To all of you whose comments are listed please know that I love you guys and appreciate the thought. Thanks for hanging with me through this insanity. You have been soooo supportive. I am a very fortunate person to have you in my life. :)
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2 comments:
I think this is so true of many things in life. People often say the most inappropriate things! Congratulations on your weight loss and keep up the good work! I know for sure and for certain that as much as you would hate wiping children's snotty noses, I would HATE running. It's one of those things I have never liked (I think because my top half is enormous -- especially when pregnant or nursing -- and running seems to draw more attention to that fact). It's one of those things in life I wish I liked though.
I couldn't have jogged while pregnant or nursing either. Pregnancy with my 22 yr old stopped the jogging for me. I had to special order 32 EE's when nursing my son 18 years ago. If I tried jogging then, not only would it have been embarrassing for obvious reasons but I would have been covered with more than sweat at the end of the trail...I don't even want to think of what the laundry would smell like. Yuck! Even without being pregnant or nursing I had issues exercising until I finally got a jumping jack proof bra. (You'd have to read the second or third blog to truly know that I feel your pain.) :)
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